By: Katy Defazio

The holidays are a time to spend with loved ones, whether that be friends or family. Family and loved ones are our number one support system. Unfortunately, when the backbone of your family passes away, the holidays become a difficult time to cope with. This will be the first holiday season spent without my grandmother; Marilyn passed away on the early morning of February 16, 2025. Putting this feeling into words is something that takes a lot of courage and strength; here we go.

When my grandma passed away, it came very abruptly. I can remember the phone call from my mom all too well; it was the very early hours of a Sunday morning. She was gone within five hours of that phone call. Nobody knew how we were going to move forward from this loss. Kindness and loving support from other loved ones are the key to getting through this; together. Sticking together through the good times and the bad times is the key to upholding that bond that Grandma helped keep glued together. Don’t let death bring out the worst in you; let it bring out the wholesomeness within you. Remember to cry when you miss them and remember to smile when reflecting on the memories of them. Most importantly, keep these memories fresh in your mind when you need a designated moment to remember your loved one. Look at photos and do activities that you once did together. If you feel comfortable enough, listen to the sound of their voice in an old video or a voicemail. Embrace the life they once had, instead of dreading on the emptiness in your heart.

While you are sitting around the dinner table this holiday season, it is going to feel like something is missing. A big gap in the righteous feeling of normal is no longer with us, and it is the heaviest feeling on your heart. You want nothing more than to smile with them; to laugh at their latest joke. Most importantly, you want to hug them good-bye after an evening of delicious treats. Unfortunately, you remember that you won’t get that hug ever again. You want nothing more than to say goodbye to them. You even remember their scent and the feeling of holding them close to you. There’s not a single moment where you take this feeling into acceptance, but then you remember this is just a somber stroll through this struggle that we call life. As we get older, life does not get any easier. We all age, and we all eventually pass on. It hurts to know that we only stay in this physical realm for a designated period. For some, they believe there is life beyond our current existence. They hope to see these loved ones in a future life as a new form. Will I see my loved one in a new life when we all pass on? I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.

This Christmas, I wish for healing for those suffering from the loss of a loved one. Remember that you are not alone in your suffering. The holidays are a time for reflection and cherishment. Our passed on loved ones would like us to continue this tradition, for the sake of love and all that is good. Marilyn wouldn’t want us to be sad. She would want us to remember the positive memories of her, instead of dreading that we didn’t get to create a final memory together. Reflect on the memories you have in your heart and make the best of what you have in your mind. Life may be ruthless and full of pain, but life is also loaded with memories that we take to the grave. Hold onto every memory you have of them, because one day, that will be all you have left.